my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
