Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
