dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
