yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
