I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize