I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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