you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
