No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's get the cat blown out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize