I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize