Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
