I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
