i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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