even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I touched a dick in church today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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