are you still at the devil's house?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
