dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
