What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
