I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
