Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
