America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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