making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize