I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i will never coherently bang her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
