im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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