What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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