You're my little dorito
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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