I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
