his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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