Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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