My hand turned me down
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
