I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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