..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
50% drunk capacity currently
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i black out too much to be "responsible"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
