Im at strip club and am horny
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
