i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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