The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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