I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
