getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
