Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
