Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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