You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
