I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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