No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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