what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
