You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
