Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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