Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
