just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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