Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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