This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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