I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ass is underappreciated
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
