Quick, to the slutcave!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
