i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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