In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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