How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Come on in and take your pants off
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