before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
