She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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