My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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