I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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