wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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