i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
