The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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