I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
