we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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