it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
