Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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