Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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