is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
