We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Still dying that you shit outside
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
