I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
