I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
false alarm, still single
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
