OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
